ronamayloves: May 2010

So How is it to date someone in the Military.

well, you don't hear from them so often when they’re deployed.
if you do hear from them, they can’t tell you where they’re going.
if you ask how their day went, they cant tell in details. very generic (e.g. gym, etc).
you’ll never know if you will get “that call.”
you read so much about the military it’s insane.
you keep checking out military news letters. haha
you count the days since they left.
you count the days till they come home.
you plan a busy schedule when they get deployed.
remain busy.
think about a make over so you’ll look totally different when they come back.
you wonder whether they have read your letters.
you wonder when they sleep.
you wonder what time it is where they are at.
you research everything about their deployment.
you ask a friend who has dated a military guy as well.
you read about care packages.
..motomail.us.
you watch jarhead over and over and over again.
suddenly you find yourself trying to watch the news.
and watch military/war movies.
you get so excited when you get an email.
but when you reply, you may never get a reply back till days later.
you get wasted a lot with them especially pre-deployment.
so much cussing
and smoking
and drinking.
guns, cars, etc are the topic of the conversation.
you hear them complain so much about the military.
they talk about how much they make.
and what they will do with how much they make.
they plan extravagant parties when they get back from deployment.
they call each other by their last name.
they watch youtube videos about the military.
they collect their alcohol bottles like trophies.
they treat each other like brothers. (it’s insane what they will do for each other!)
most get married young.
they sleep a lot.
they make you wear their cammies and put on their plates (like the outfit they wear in the desert. that shit is heavy.
Although they're not as romantic and mostly are cocky, they are a few of the greatest and most loyal men. haha

Untitled

he laid next to me
and kissed my ear
my neck
as his hands caress my waist
the warmth of his breath
i felt through my skin
as i Grasp for air
when he teashed his way...
into my emotions.
he ran his hands all the way
down into my hips
and legs
as i anticipate his play.
his lips ran through my arms
my chest
my stomach
as he makes his way
down...

and again teased
till i lost my sanity
i turned around,
and grabbed the back of his neck,
as my lips touched his..
i ran my hands
from his neck
down to his spine
and wrapped my legs around his hips
the sturdiness of his body
against my soft skin,
created a passion that kept on burning..

as we continued..

I moaned my way into this bliss,
as he went ahead,
inside,
me and him as one.
connected we were
as he worked his way into motion.
i received him with all of me.
i returned the favor,
and took a ride.
on this road towards climax-
we were heading to.
i grabbed his hand
as i looked into his eyes
and felt the satisfaction..
i listened to him moan,
as i continue my way for his pleasure.

with a smooth transition
he got on top
and thrusted his way into my needs.
hard,
sensual,
and passionate..
as he went deep
and created chills in my skin..
as me and him,
both reached satisfaction.

with his lips,
hands,
along with his God given gifts..
this man,
I barely know,
sent me to a place i have never been,
somwhere i will always remember..

as the memory keeps on replaying,
will never forget that moment.
when I completely gave myself over,
and let him take the lead.
the bliss we both achieved,
cant be compared to any others..
a quite extraordinary quest,
he took me with him.
an experience
i would never forget,
cannot be topped,
cannot be replaced.

an original
may 20 2010

When the one you don't want, is actually the one you want.

so, if we want what we can't have, then I guess we have what we don't want.
or at least, we have what we didnt expect to like.

What if God sends you someone who is completely not your type, and does not appear to have more check marks on your check list, how do you take it?

is it a test, a challenge, or a dead give away to settle?

Both men and women tend to have checklists and standards when it comes to dating. Obviously, the physical aspect comes first because that's the first thing we see.. we do not know anything about the other person. unless of course, we strike a conversation.

a 60 second conversation usually gives away signs whether we like or don't like a person..be it a potential friend or mate. First comes the physical appearance, then the occupation, then family, then recreation.. as trippy as it may sound, we usually determine whether we want to be with that person or not, right away.

sometimes we may have to spend a day with them. so called "dates." during this time we actually get to know more about the person we just met. then the more we know about them, the more we consult our checklist.

what really is in the checklist?

honestly, human beings tend to overload their checklist with the physical attributes. hard to admit, i do this myself. height, looks, dress codes, aura, the look of confidence, transportation, etc. then comes at the bottom few of the lists includes occupation, family, and hobbies.

although we tend to "find our match" using the few items on the bottom of the list, we tend to overcomplicate things and try to squeeze in the physical attributes with our judgement. for women, even though the man is almost too perfect, but lack the physical attributes, they are not a potential match.

but what if you are attracted to them, but the list are not quite as checked off as you want them to be?

Looking back and evaluating the men I have dated, I could say I have been quite an interracial fan, (haha) and the physical attributes have been alike. nobody shorter than a 6'0. ...

...
...

that really has been it. haha. but, every single one of them was on a different path as i was.. I was in school and he wasn't. when i wasn't in school, i dated a guy who was. i had my stuff together, all figured out, but they didn't. they were still in the process. one cheated, one got overtaken by his insecurities, one was extremely religious, one was casual and a committment phobe. so although the physical attributes of these men have been a like, non of them really was a match for me.

maybe i overlook the other stuff. I was too occupied by thephysical, that I just tend to fall and learn how to like these people. or maybe i didnt want anyone greater. I was comftble. i was afraid to get out of my comfort zone.

how about dating someone who is extremely opposite... very different that I had to rewrite my check list?

when before my checklist consisted of heights, looks, etc.. now my checklist has changed into goals, achievement, future, loyalty, discipline, motivation, faithfulness, strength, courage, and ownership? family, hobbies, associations, and letting them take charge? supportive, smart, ambitious, competitive?

about a few months I have rewritten my checklist, God sent me someone who fit into these categories. And although the physical attributes weren't checked off, (plus the fact that he smokes, which is completely against my belief), I was able to open my heart and receive what God has loaned to me for a purpose. This day, when I met this man, I have completely changed course with regards to my dating lifestyle, and this change has been such a learning experience.

when my past has been mellow and laid back, this time life has quite been a ride. verye exciting, almost scary. I used to not be a risk taker but the last few months I have learned to be one. and when I have developed personally (look throug most of my posts, they tell how much I have changed), i have found a match. as ambitious and competitive as i am, motivated, goal-driven. smart, takes the lead, and most of all, supportive..

bottom line is, sometimes someone who is not all our type could be the right one for us. I truly believe that God sends us who we want or should be with. then it's up to us to whether accept it or reject it. I chose to accept this new chapter in my life. and altough it's all quite new to me, I am very ready to learn from this change.

Dear John,

LOL just kidding.

A mere self reflection.. what is it exactly that I want?

When it comes to dating, I have been quite unlucky to find a guy whom I imagined myself being with. I completely understand that we women could never change men, we can only change how we deal with them. I have also learned (and im still learning) that women tend to complicate things.. men have egos, women have emotions.. women vent, men fix. women nag, men fight.

Love.

How women show love, I have come to understand, is completely different than how men show love. We women are born to multitask.. meaning, we can balance career, kids, life, and love altogether. Men however, as I have noticed, are not quite as good of a multitasker.

men tend to achieve a status before they can focus on women.

the three things.

What I have learned is that when Men do not have the three most important things together – money, career, and status – they tend to suck at relationships. mainly because they are not content with where they are at just yet, so they cannot focus on making a woman happy. Men have a goal to reach.. to be able to provide. so if they are not happy at where they are at in their current situation, I guarantee that their insecurities will take over them, and will let a woman go. simply because he is not where he wants to be.

women on the other hand tend to ‘squeeze’ in a man in their tight schedule. As a woman I dearly believed that I am never too busy to call or text the man I care about. But most women dont understand that Men need the three things mentioned above before they can fully committ. in turn, we women build expectations – too high and unrealistic to achieve - and if the expectations aren’t met, we get disappointed.

But expecting is part of the game though. men and women expect a lot of things from each other to make the relationship work. Because it’s human nature to ‘expect’ things (basically we cannot mold ourselves not to) all we gotta learn now is How to deal with the disapppointments that come after that.

“easy women.”

sometimes I think that is exactly why women have such a bad rep for some guys is because we make it easy for them to take us. we dont even make them work hard enough. nowadays women tend to do the manly things as well (basically saying, any” woman can get what she wants and she will go get it). if the three things are in play (money, career, and status) we women tend to go for the catch right away. give ourselves up, open up sooner, and ….. get this., CLING.

seriously I feel like all women should have some kind of ground or standards when it comes to meeting men. someone once asked me…

“ronamay, youre so great.. but why are you single?”

“i just haven’t found the person yet.”

Is this really the reason? or am I denying the fact that I have too much of a high standard that no one can realistically meet? Or is my guard too high up that I’m not willing to let it down?

See I am more of a hopeless romantic. i want to be swooned. I want flowers at my door. be taken out to nice dinners. open my car door, rub my back, play with my hair, walk on the beach, cruise around the city, watch the sunset. I know, cheesy right? I’d rather do this than take shots at a bar, dance at a club, or anything related.

“in charge.”

call me traditional but i sincerely am. now I'm not judging those that aren’t… However, during my adolescent period and coming out of college I learned to be independent and be on my own. i have always said I could be with or without a man. My past relationships made me feel just a lil bit more superior and confident because I had my stuff together more than they did… Don’t get me wrong I still respected them and let them play the role of being the man in the relationship… i never belittled them and never asked for more than they can provide. I never compared how much I made to theirs, never hesitated to let them use my car.. I was just confident enough That i didn’t need them. So I knew I kind of had the upper hand and the ball was in my court. The problem is, when the relationship when in turmoil, i worked too hard to keep it afloat because I was so confident that they will come back and make it work. but I felt like I have had my way and worked too hard to keep a relationship that I think I should..

Let go.

Let the man take the lead.

let the man take charge and have him show what he’s capable of.

make him think that he IS the man.

that he can profess, protect, and provide.

and I should chill back on trying to show them what I’m capable of.

In time they will figure it out.

All i can do is be supportive and loyal to what they do.

and If i give them what they want and deserve, I’ll get what I want.

How Do you Define Romance?

ro·mance (rō-māns', rō'māns')
n.

1. A love affair.
2. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love: They kept the romance alive in their marriage for 35 years.
3. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.
a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.

How could two of the many definitions be so completely contradicting?

How do you define romance?

When I was young I was told that if a man likes you he has to court and woo you over a period of time. growing up in a traditional filipino family, men court women in order to win them over. I guess that partially explains the longevity of the marriages in some cases. I used to recall my friends being won over by men… Men would try to impress my girlfriends, buy them flowers, take them home, play them music. I remember being told to play hard to get.. stick with tradition. no holding hands, no kissing, definitely no intimacy. seldom phone calls, no visits at home, no hanging out on the couch together. No drinking, no going out of town alone… i remember love letters, short notes, flowers on my locker. teddy bears, drawings, names etched on trees…

but few years later, these are not the norm anymore.

In highschool i never really had a boyfriend. I remember being around my friends who had boyfriends however. we used to talk about our crushes, but everything else is just daydreaming. we had no intentions of ever initiating a move, contact, or even a conversation. we will have crushes, and we left it at that.

we used to imagine ourselves being with our crushes. we would fall for a guy but not say or do anything about it. we figured, if they liked us, they wouldve said something.

at my 20s seems like the tradition is gone. At least for me, i have known Filipinos who have definitely lost the culture.. being so modernized and greatly influenced by the contemporary dating lifestyle, everything has changed. no more flowers, no more letters.

instead there is emailing, facebooking, texting, taking out to drink instead of dinners.. very seldom that men give flowers. no more little notes and crushes. everything now is faster.

take for example, a guy asks a girl out on a date. dinner. drinks,. next thing you know they’re in bed together.

emails, texts, not even phone calls.,

guys dont open doors anymore. walk the girls home.

guys are not romantic anymore.

women on the other hand have changed as well.

they are go getters and are willing to initiate.

say yes to the drink.

say yes to sex.

we women have made it easier for men to get us. women now believe that not only the men have the upper hand. we women want to take control as well.

I guess as the world evolves so does culture. It’s a part of the changing lifestyle.. but i sometimes wish that there will be men and women out there who are still traditional.. who are willing to work for a woman… to win them over. i wish there are also women who are not so easy to get to bed.. I just wish we would all hold our grounds and not be so aggressive. but culture adapts. and so do we.

This b*tch will be mine.

soon. sooooon.