8 shots of vodka
plus 2 more
i give in
out of my mind
i lost control
blacked out
As i walked the hallways.
being a different person
than i am when sober.
mistake ive made
as i entered the room
on the 33rd floor.
i got naked.
soaked in the water
as another gracious being did too.
a mistake ive made
although decided to forget
as the night went through.
threw up twice,
completely lost it.
3am, 4 am, 5 am,
next thing i know it's 7:57.
still half wasted
as i got up and got ready to leave
definitely movie-like
wrong, sinful, shameful.
but had the best time.
new people
new secrets.
a weekend too much to bear too much to forget
yet too much happened that I have to delete it
in my memory.
mouth is shut.
as i lied my way to my stories.
to fabricate an excuse of a blasting weekend.
vegas. you did great.
Sin City
Last weekend's trip to Vegas was definitely book-worthy.
too much stuff happened that i decided i will delete it in my memory.
Although it was so fcking memorable.
Ahhh Sin City. You make me a good sinner.
too much stuff happened that i decided i will delete it in my memory.
Although it was so fcking memorable.
Ahhh Sin City. You make me a good sinner.
Oh Chris Paul, can I marry you?
Am I hallucinating? Of all the beautiful people in LA (or everywhere) I am drawned into my 'chocolate ken doll' fantasy. in this generation the physical attraction plays a big role in decision making. being single in a flock of beautiful people, there are too many options to choose from. i feel like i am slowly swallowed by this LA thing. The Casual LA thing.
Coming from a conservative yet modern family, and being born and raised from the Philippines, I have such an open mind when it comes to meeting people. when before I was very discriminating and close minded, living in America has changed me. I am more welcoming and knowledgeable of people's characters, ways, tradition, and culture. and it is a beautiful thing.
i found out, after dating guys of different backgrounds, that the world is a huge melting pot of beautiful people. i believe that there are beautiful people everywhere.. i just need to nit-pick them properly. just so happens that i have a certain type as well. maybe sometimes, our tastes just gets stuck at the same thing. maybe that thing is wonderful, and that going back to something else is not even an option.
so what exactly am i talking about?
being single for three months now has made me more open minded as to how men deal with women, but my observations only work in LA. i heard that this does not apply to other states or places. LA is different. it's young. hip. modern. fancy. beautiful. busy. insane.
men around here are into the casual dating. meaning, "hello, let's hook up tonight. but, you might not hear from me the next day/" (exaggerated of course, but you get the idea). I have met one two three or so men that I was attracted to, but the naiive me, gets attached too quickly that i start expecting. In juneau, when you like someone, you start hanging out with them like crazy. almost too clingy. but that's in Alaska, where there is nothing to do. however here in LA, everyone is busy and there is sooo much to do.
this particular group of men are great. nice, sweet, good looking. of course, since everyone is afraid of committments here, all you get is a one night hook up and if youre lucky, maybe a second, third, or even fourth time hook up. but! no one wants to be exclusive. so one thing i definitley learned is: when you are dating/seeing someone, expect that they are seeing/dating other people too. be accepting of that idea.
the next thing i have learned is that, when you go out on a date or a drink with a man, almost always, the end of the night has to consist sex or making out. which is weird. can i just have a drink with you because you are a new friend? why do i have to make out with you at the end of the night? well, this is the case here. and! IT IS OK (i guess) to make out with them at the end of the night. because, like they say, 'we are adults.' one thing here that I have learned is.. It is ok to make out with guys you go on dates with, because, they, apparently dont really care if you make out with other people as well. same as lesson1.
lesson number 3: Even if you guys have gone out on a few dates, hung out a few times, hooked up a few times, do not expect that this guy is "in-like" with you. most cases, he is not.. This is probably the hardest lesson that i had to deal with everyday. I assumed, since we were both attracted to each other, that at one point, he likes me just as i like him. we hung out a few times..talked almost everyday, but liek other guys, he only talks to me when he feels like it. i have been turned down a few times (i dont know why i let it happen. once should be a lesson already). but because i like him, i risk getting rejected over and over again just to see if he will actually hang out with me. so, i am getting sick of admitting that he is just not that into me.so what i did was i deleted his phone number (so i dont get tempted to text him) and just basically ignored him. and i still have been ignoring him. i figured if he wanted to see me, he will call me.
and there are those who i have gone out on dates with, AS A FRIEND, and somehow i mustve sent a wrong message. a message that says "hey i like you." but in reality i only like them as a friend and not someone to date with. what happens? the guy clings. like a stage 5 clinger. really clingy. I have learned that, although LA is into the casual dating scene, there are guys out there that would misunderstand my character. instead of welcoming me as a down-to-earth 'i wanna be your friend' person, they take it as a "im flirting with you and we should sleep together."
these lessons are recurring themes in my everyday dating life. although very confusing, I actually enjoy knowing people and sizing them up (haha, jk!) and getting to know them. there are great people out there.. some are accessible, some are not. some are taken, mostly are gay, and some are married. but that's whats fun about dating. get to know everyone, then the right one comes along at the perfect timing.
Coming from a conservative yet modern family, and being born and raised from the Philippines, I have such an open mind when it comes to meeting people. when before I was very discriminating and close minded, living in America has changed me. I am more welcoming and knowledgeable of people's characters, ways, tradition, and culture. and it is a beautiful thing.
i found out, after dating guys of different backgrounds, that the world is a huge melting pot of beautiful people. i believe that there are beautiful people everywhere.. i just need to nit-pick them properly. just so happens that i have a certain type as well. maybe sometimes, our tastes just gets stuck at the same thing. maybe that thing is wonderful, and that going back to something else is not even an option.
so what exactly am i talking about?
being single for three months now has made me more open minded as to how men deal with women, but my observations only work in LA. i heard that this does not apply to other states or places. LA is different. it's young. hip. modern. fancy. beautiful. busy. insane.
men around here are into the casual dating. meaning, "hello, let's hook up tonight. but, you might not hear from me the next day/" (exaggerated of course, but you get the idea). I have met one two three or so men that I was attracted to, but the naiive me, gets attached too quickly that i start expecting. In juneau, when you like someone, you start hanging out with them like crazy. almost too clingy. but that's in Alaska, where there is nothing to do. however here in LA, everyone is busy and there is sooo much to do.
this particular group of men are great. nice, sweet, good looking. of course, since everyone is afraid of committments here, all you get is a one night hook up and if youre lucky, maybe a second, third, or even fourth time hook up. but! no one wants to be exclusive. so one thing i definitley learned is: when you are dating/seeing someone, expect that they are seeing/dating other people too. be accepting of that idea.
the next thing i have learned is that, when you go out on a date or a drink with a man, almost always, the end of the night has to consist sex or making out. which is weird. can i just have a drink with you because you are a new friend? why do i have to make out with you at the end of the night? well, this is the case here. and! IT IS OK (i guess) to make out with them at the end of the night. because, like they say, 'we are adults.' one thing here that I have learned is.. It is ok to make out with guys you go on dates with, because, they, apparently dont really care if you make out with other people as well. same as lesson1.
lesson number 3: Even if you guys have gone out on a few dates, hung out a few times, hooked up a few times, do not expect that this guy is "in-like" with you. most cases, he is not.. This is probably the hardest lesson that i had to deal with everyday. I assumed, since we were both attracted to each other, that at one point, he likes me just as i like him. we hung out a few times..talked almost everyday, but liek other guys, he only talks to me when he feels like it. i have been turned down a few times (i dont know why i let it happen. once should be a lesson already). but because i like him, i risk getting rejected over and over again just to see if he will actually hang out with me. so, i am getting sick of admitting that he is just not that into me.so what i did was i deleted his phone number (so i dont get tempted to text him) and just basically ignored him. and i still have been ignoring him. i figured if he wanted to see me, he will call me.
and there are those who i have gone out on dates with, AS A FRIEND, and somehow i mustve sent a wrong message. a message that says "hey i like you." but in reality i only like them as a friend and not someone to date with. what happens? the guy clings. like a stage 5 clinger. really clingy. I have learned that, although LA is into the casual dating scene, there are guys out there that would misunderstand my character. instead of welcoming me as a down-to-earth 'i wanna be your friend' person, they take it as a "im flirting with you and we should sleep together."
these lessons are recurring themes in my everyday dating life. although very confusing, I actually enjoy knowing people and sizing them up (haha, jk!) and getting to know them. there are great people out there.. some are accessible, some are not. some are taken, mostly are gay, and some are married. but that's whats fun about dating. get to know everyone, then the right one comes along at the perfect timing.
One Week Love Affair
In seven days
I met..
Him.
Bold,
gentle,
and sweet.
First to next days,
we were inseparable,
holding each other's hand.
with kisses we shared..
our attraction.
Till the night,
when lust overcame friendship,
when attraction ruled morals,
when bodies took over minds,
hit bliss.
As wonderful the moment became,
two bodies as one,
only to know...
A few days after,
Lust faded,
so did the friendship that bound us.
kisses were blown,
by the awkward wall drawn in between.
Was it me, was it him?
was it us..
too much,
too soon,
too precious to be wasted away.
not a word has been muttered.
my heart beats as I see him pass by,
would like to ignore,
but my heart longs to communicate.
That it would have been better,
only if it was slower.
was it me, was it him, was it us,
...or was it her?
As I saw them walk away,
after a two second conversation with me,
As i come to realize,
it may not just have been me,
but with another on the side.
can't square an idea ..
of how the friendship faded away,
yet this feeling towards him I cant let go.
only a few days have passed,
but what was it really?
That caused us to part ways..
That even friendship we cant bear lasting.
I seemed to have much to care,
All in this one week love affair.
I met..
Him.
Bold,
gentle,
and sweet.
First to next days,
we were inseparable,
holding each other's hand.
with kisses we shared..
our attraction.
Till the night,
when lust overcame friendship,
when attraction ruled morals,
when bodies took over minds,
hit bliss.
As wonderful the moment became,
two bodies as one,
only to know...
A few days after,
Lust faded,
so did the friendship that bound us.
kisses were blown,
by the awkward wall drawn in between.
Was it me, was it him?
was it us..
too much,
too soon,
too precious to be wasted away.
not a word has been muttered.
my heart beats as I see him pass by,
would like to ignore,
but my heart longs to communicate.
That it would have been better,
only if it was slower.
was it me, was it him, was it us,
...or was it her?
As I saw them walk away,
after a two second conversation with me,
As i come to realize,
it may not just have been me,
but with another on the side.
can't square an idea ..
of how the friendship faded away,
yet this feeling towards him I cant let go.
only a few days have passed,
but what was it really?
That caused us to part ways..
That even friendship we cant bear lasting.
I seemed to have much to care,
All in this one week love affair.
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