Am I due for a new post? I guess so.
I check into my facebook and all i see are baby pics, photo pics, weddings, and some occasional vacation photos, some unending complaints, breakups, new relationships, rumors, and the neverending supply of subliminal tweets (which by the way, i am partly in favor and not in favor of at the same time. I figured, subtweets are a copout e .i. hiding yourself behind a desk so you can talk about that particular person, or at the same time, some people out there need to get humiliated to show some serious self change, that if they think a subtweet/status is about them, it probably is for them).
But now, im 26. I wasnt aware that there is some deadline on when to get married or have a child thing---why is everyone asking me if im dating or when im gonna get married? haha, it's quite hilarious, since i have been single for three years now and has not seen anyone (by choice) for over a year now. I mean, i have a goal, and i have been so selfishly focused on it, that i find it very easy to say "no" to dates or just this wall around me is hardmade of concrete that it's not penetrable. I got sick of the friends - with - benefits thing, (disgusted with myself actually) that i took vows to myself and ive been so good at keeping that promise. it has marvelous effects--i was able to focus on myself more and wasnt too distracted. my hormones and my body were not the ones making my decisions for me, instead my mind was. there really is clarity if you void yourself from physical pleasures--it gives you the perception of life in a much different angle--the non physical non lust angle. and i didnt realize how many things i wanted to do and what im capable of until i took this vow. Its amazing how much effect our body has to our decision making.
to say the least, it has been forever since iv gone on an actual date or personal relationship for that matter, mostly because of my stubborness and belief that great men are SO HARD TO FIND. being broken hearted for so many times and now knowing what I DONT WANT, lol i htought it wouldve been easier for me to find that right person. Actually, it has even become harder because I see the things i dont want and that's usually what these men posses.. and I end up compromising(over and over). Lately i've told myself, maybe I should be more open minded...give some of them a chance, afterall this wall iv built around me isnt really their fault.
Well i did, and look how distracted it got me. For a moment there i flew into some sort of fantasy and how my body missed the touches and the sweetness..how ive missed the company of the opposite sex, how ive missed the entire idea of it that I was willing to settle for the one whom, i didnt really even like in the first place but was man enough to persistently ask me out. OKay, it didn't have to be him, it couldve been another guy-- but, for a moment i forgot my whole purpose, my dreams, that I have actually started asking myself questions like.. "if i meet a guy now, would i give up on mydreams?" HOW FOOLISH IS THIS? I have made this mistake before and I'm willing to go through it again!
I'm realizing that I seriously need to focus -- on the goals i have set for myself. I can understand now why most people dont even reach the point of "realizing" their dreams because they have given in into these distractions that are in the way (and there's so many of them). Reaching for a dream is such a lonely road indeed. Finding a balance between fun and focus is an ongoing struggle, a struggle i have to deal with everyday.
I need to surround myself with my inspirations again. For a brief moment I isolated myself away because i gave in to my selfish desires. Seeing my inspirations after being away from them moved my heart in such an indescribable feeling--the feeling of "wow i almost lost myself again."
I am so glad i realized these quickly, sooner,before things even gotten worse. I realize I need to stick to what i set myself to do and focus on it. When i get "there" and feel complete, then maybe the right person will come and celebrate it with me.
It gets Worse Before It Gets Better
I am writing this..as i am breaking down. I couldn't help my tears to fall as i realize how challenging it is to reach for a dream-- i have never experienced it before, obsessing on something you really love. It is a very painful process.. not one where you can just say "i dont think i could do this, i give up." It's even more painful to have the thought of giving up. I understand now why a lot of people give up on their dreams because it is very emotionally exhausting.. it drains all the energy out of you. I could understand it now..
it's even more painful to feel that you are so close, but so far. I have prayed so hard everyday--and still am--serving my church, since i made that a part of my life purpose. It is tough, you feel like your reaching for your dream alone.. some people support you, some ignore you. It is a very tough process but it's even tougher to give up.
I could understand why people would rather give up on their dream and instead become comftble of where they are at. when you are reaching for a dream you feel lost--no set direction, no set time, no set results. You dont know who's gonna stick with you for the long run, or those that may leave you in your journey. It is a heartbreaking process and the only thing I can do is to believe in myself and what I can do. The rest, i leave to prayers.
I pray one day all mydreams come true. Im dying to help my family, im dying to provide with great pride and help (emotionally and monetary)..I want to be a living example that dreams do come true as long as you have the right purpose.
it's even more painful to feel that you are so close, but so far. I have prayed so hard everyday--and still am--serving my church, since i made that a part of my life purpose. It is tough, you feel like your reaching for your dream alone.. some people support you, some ignore you. It is a very tough process but it's even tougher to give up.
I could understand why people would rather give up on their dream and instead become comftble of where they are at. when you are reaching for a dream you feel lost--no set direction, no set time, no set results. You dont know who's gonna stick with you for the long run, or those that may leave you in your journey. It is a heartbreaking process and the only thing I can do is to believe in myself and what I can do. The rest, i leave to prayers.
I pray one day all mydreams come true. Im dying to help my family, im dying to provide with great pride and help (emotionally and monetary)..I want to be a living example that dreams do come true as long as you have the right purpose.
Two New Videos!
Here's two of my most recent self made videos.
Hope you enjoyed them as much as i enjoyed working on them !
(blogspot is not letting me embed it. so please visit my youtube site!)
RonaMayLove Youtube Channel
Heavily Broken (the Veronicas) Cover
Temporary Love (Original Composition)
Hope you enjoyed them as much as i enjoyed working on them !
(blogspot is not letting me embed it. so please visit my youtube site!)
RonaMayLove Youtube Channel
Heavily Broken (the Veronicas) Cover
Temporary Love (Original Composition)
An Act from "Strangers" who Have Touched My Heart
AS you all have known, I met a S. Korean couple who is from DC this summer. I told them about my Love for their Hallyu wave, and unexpectedly they promised to send BigBang stuff to me. As true honors of their words, they did. They sent me a BigShow 2011 Live Concert DVD and Photobook.
When all of that is great, it's their emails that have touched me. I would like to share it here, because it has moved me in ways I cannot explain.
Here are a few phrases from our email conversations:
"Hi, May,Do you still remember us when we traveled Alaska last July? You mentioned about K-pop and your favorite Big-bang group. And I told you I would get you a Big-bang group disk. And then you gave me your email address. Recently I had a business trip to Korea and had a change to buy a Big-bang group’s live convert DVD disks for you. I came back in town in Washington DC. However, I am not sure your address to which I can ship the DVD disks. Of course, no charge. Let me know your address if you are still interested in them."
"i there, I sent you the disks yesterday through the US postal service. The delivery confirmation number is 0310 xxx-xx-xxx. It will take a couple of more days until you receive it. If you do not receive it or there is a delivery problem, let me know. This delivery and disks are insured. Hoping that you enjoy them, and also hoping that you be a good people to do a lot of good things to other people as other good peoples do. I think that your parents also want you to be a good person in your life. This is all we want. Have a good one."
Here is a clip of my reply:
Hi!!
Thank you! I will be looking out for it-- Again, thank you very very much for thinking of me, and even remembering when you didn't really have to! I still plan on visiting S Korea within the next couple of years, and if I do i'll be sure to let you know!
I see your address on your email signature, is it ok to send a holiday card to that address?
I told my Kpop friends about you two, and they are happy for me. They also want to thank you as well! Hope you have a great holiday season and ill be sure to keep in touch. Thank you for your advice, i will keep it to heart.
-RonaMay
And this one, i love to share to my fellow VIPS because you are indirectly mentioned here:
"Hi, Ronamay, I am happy to hear from you about how much you like. When you or your family have a trip plan to visit S Korea or this Washington DC area in the future, let me know. I might be able to help you for your trip. Please remember that good people and bad people are always out there, anywhere, any country. S Korea is not an exception. But, most S Koreans are more sentimental, emotional, and warm-heart feeling than other country. Hoping you can meet good and warm-heart and lovely people when you visit S Korea. Also when you meet bad people, please forgive them, and then they must feel your forgiveness and will be changed to a good people. But, this is not all about your life. What is more important thing is that you have your favorite and lovely ones in your life and also you have a lot more to enjoy with other good people including your favorite Big-bang group. Enjoy every moment of your life whenever good things happen to the people who you like, and share your joyful moments with your people. I think this is the life we live. You have a happy holiday, too."
I hope this email touches your hearts as well.
It really pays to show genuine care to people you meet--let's strive to make this a part of our daily lives.
With love,
RonaMay
When all of that is great, it's their emails that have touched me. I would like to share it here, because it has moved me in ways I cannot explain.
Here are a few phrases from our email conversations:
"Hi, May,Do you still remember us when we traveled Alaska last July? You mentioned about K-pop and your favorite Big-bang group. And I told you I would get you a Big-bang group disk. And then you gave me your email address. Recently I had a business trip to Korea and had a change to buy a Big-bang group’s live convert DVD disks for you. I came back in town in Washington DC. However, I am not sure your address to which I can ship the DVD disks. Of course, no charge. Let me know your address if you are still interested in them."
"i there, I sent you the disks yesterday through the US postal service. The delivery confirmation number is 0310 xxx-xx-xxx. It will take a couple of more days until you receive it. If you do not receive it or there is a delivery problem, let me know. This delivery and disks are insured. Hoping that you enjoy them, and also hoping that you be a good people to do a lot of good things to other people as other good peoples do. I think that your parents also want you to be a good person in your life. This is all we want. Have a good one."
Here is a clip of my reply:
Hi!!
Thank you! I will be looking out for it-- Again, thank you very very much for thinking of me, and even remembering when you didn't really have to! I still plan on visiting S Korea within the next couple of years, and if I do i'll be sure to let you know!
I see your address on your email signature, is it ok to send a holiday card to that address?
I told my Kpop friends about you two, and they are happy for me. They also want to thank you as well! Hope you have a great holiday season and ill be sure to keep in touch. Thank you for your advice, i will keep it to heart.
-RonaMay
And this one, i love to share to my fellow VIPS because you are indirectly mentioned here:
"Hi, Ronamay, I am happy to hear from you about how much you like. When you or your family have a trip plan to visit S Korea or this Washington DC area in the future, let me know. I might be able to help you for your trip. Please remember that good people and bad people are always out there, anywhere, any country. S Korea is not an exception. But, most S Koreans are more sentimental, emotional, and warm-heart feeling than other country. Hoping you can meet good and warm-heart and lovely people when you visit S Korea. Also when you meet bad people, please forgive them, and then they must feel your forgiveness and will be changed to a good people. But, this is not all about your life. What is more important thing is that you have your favorite and lovely ones in your life and also you have a lot more to enjoy with other good people including your favorite Big-bang group. Enjoy every moment of your life whenever good things happen to the people who you like, and share your joyful moments with your people. I think this is the life we live. You have a happy holiday, too."
I hope this email touches your hearts as well.
It really pays to show genuine care to people you meet--let's strive to make this a part of our daily lives.
With love,
RonaMay
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